credit.

I just saw this tattoo for the first time as I was browsing the internet, avoiding homework.  Somehow it seems to really resonate with me.  I wish I could come up with a tattoo idea that I liked this much… before I saw someone else with it!  Anyway, just thought I would share!

Also, I finally changed the blog name & tag line to something I don’t hate.  It doesn’t show right now because of the layout but the title is “Strange Dreams” inspired by the song “Sleeping In” by The Postal Service and the tag line is “from beneath a willow tree…” which references “Crooked Teeth” by Death Cab for Cutie.  Yes, I am a huge Ben Gibbard fan.

What I never considered was why would I want to be good at this?  Virtual killing is not a whole lot better than real life killing.  Thinking about it now, I don’t understand why anyone desires to spend hours virtually killing people.  I remember when I was in about the third grade My friend Kristen and I would play a Nintendo-64 game called Battle Tanks.  We put a bit of a spin on the game however.  Instead of attempting to demolish each other as we were supposed to we would act as team mates and race the clock to see how quickly we could run over all the buildings and pick up all the prizes.  This version of the game was absolutely delightful.  Of course this is coming from someone who never completed the original game of Zelda for fear of the monsters, but hey I still think the pacifist remix of Battle Tanks was pretty sweet…

I was not surprised at all to hear that the military actually uses a video game to train killing.  I wonder if there have been psychological studies done on the efficiency of this method.  I’m sure there have been studies done on playing violent video games in general, but I assume there have been no strong correlations made between the games and violent action since there is still a strong market for the violent games.

What strikes me as really ironic is the views of my Aunt (and presumably other ultra-religious parents) about her children playing violent games.  She absolutely banned them from the house…. with the exception of those with religious based violence.  David and Goliath was my cousin’s favorite game as opposed to my neighbors preference for Halo.  Violence is violence.  Fighting on behalf of God is not exception, and I would venture to say that any God worth believing in wouldn’t endorse the fight anyway.

My third complaint is one I must also lodge with most other areas of commercial media.  Gossip Girl glamorizes life and tries to make that the norm.  I understand the commercial advantages of doing this.  If all of your show’s characters wear designer clothing, use high-tech cell phones, drink Starbucks, and drive BMWs, then viewers will think “Hey, I should buy some new clothes from J. Crew!” or “Daddy should buy ME a new car when I turn 16!”

For merchants, this is an awesome deal as it propels the buying market.  For the rest of humanity, however, this is awful.  It creates a materialistic society, ridiculously apathetic toward major social issues.  Instead of concerning ourselves with real world problems we get caught up in the rat race of “gotta have it”s.  Money has become the gateway to our happiness which is never a positive transition.  In my media course I’m currently taking we’re learning about television production.  Not only the poor, but also the working class are horribly underrepresented in mainstream media.  These groups are made to feel inadequate when they are watching television programming.  While this may not always be a problem, it is detrimental in the teen years when kids are especially sensitive to conformity.  Suddenly the brand on your shirt tells everyone your worth.  That is just not right.

I took almost a hundred photos that day, mostly of the creative picket signs people made.  The sign our group carried read “STRAIGHT AGAINST HATE” on one side and “EQUALITY FOR SOME IS EQUALITY FOR NONE” on the reverse.  Many couples were there with signs about how long they had been together and asking when they would be allowed to be married.  For me the most memorable couple there was an interracial pair with a sign that read “Our marriage was once illegal, too.”  I was surprised at home many young children were at the march.  There was an adorable toddler that passed by us with her parents.  She wore a shirt that said “I’m here because my mommy and daddy want me to be able to grow up and marry the person I love, no matter who that may be.”

I attended the march as a straight ally to the LGBT movement.  For me, the issue is completely about civil rights.  I cannot believe I live in a country where states have recently revoked these civil rights.  Love should never be punished, and happiness never infringed upon.  If I were to fall in love with a woman, that would not make me a different person.  I would still have the same character and hold the same values.  Discriminating against the LGBT community does nothing but spread hate.  In a harsh world where we seem to not be able to escape war and killing, we need to appreciate all the love in it that we can.

When I am out during the day I try to smile at everyone  and say hello.  I often enjoying when this is reciprocated.  If a man were to say something first and add a comment on the end, I do not see anything wrong with that.  This of course does not include crude comments or gestures as I never see that to be appropriate interaction.  In class though I got the feeling that even so much as a “Hey, beautiful!” should be seen as the mark of a rapist, or at the very least a sexist pig.  Worse, in my opinion, is demonizing men who just look.  Again, this is very subjective.  I think a casual glance is fine, whereas an extended stare is taking it a bit too far.  Either way I think it would be difficult to say that a man is wrong in doing so.  Not only do some women dress for this attention, but many women are guilty of doing the same thing to men.  Many girls I know enjoy “boy watching,” especially at the beach where they can drool over their toned shirtless bodies.  The majority of women see nothing wrong with this, so I find it hypocritical to criticize men for doing the same.

Our discussion became even more bothersome to me when girls who spent a long time getting ready in the morning were accused of desiring and hoping for attention from men.  I spend a decent amount of time getting ready every day assuming I don’t oversleep…. I, however, do not wish to get romantic attention from men.  I am in a committed relationship with a man who would cho0se my comfort over fashion and make up any day.  I am not looking for attention from anyone else, so this discussion sort of put me on the defensive.  So, then, I thought to myself “Why do I spend so much time getting ready, then?”  The answer to that is complex, but put most concisely I am aware of the structure of our society.  For better or for worse, we live in a world that makes many judgments based on appearance.  Those who dress the part for success are taken more seriously than those who don’t make an effort.  I probably shouldn’t buy into this, but hey, I do.

Apparently God is the only being worth sacrificing for.

Skip forward three months.  Now I am here, and I agree that there is diversity.  Somehow it wasn’t overtly obvious to me either.  It took two full weeks of class for me to realize that I, as a white student, was actually a minority in a few of my classes.  I was both pleased that this was true, and pleased that it took me so long to realize.  Outside of class, however, things aren’t that much different than home.  Sure there is some interaction between races, but largely the cliques of friends are formed around race and religion.  Walking across campus you can commonly find groups of whites, of blacks, of Asians, of Indians, of Christians, of Jews, of Muslims: you name the group and you will spot them segregating themselves somewhere on this wonderfully diverse campus.

More than this disheartens me, it moderately intimidates me.  Maybe this is because I did grow up in a very homogeneous environment, but I always fear coming across as an “ignorant little white girl.”  Groups segregating themselves wear an invisible sign that reads “You’re not welcome here because you are not [fill in the blank].”

This isn’t universal.  Some of the newly made friends that I have mentioned previously are of other races.  Ami and Aparna, for instance, are Indian.  They are friends with me just fine, but they also have a world to themselves that I am not allowed to be a part of.  More than anything, I am jealous of this.  As we walked to the Health Care Rally together Ami and Aparna told me about how they each learned Indian dances growing up, and about the traditional dress that they get to wear when they perform them.

Never have I wanted be white any less than during that conversation.  I said so, too.  “Guys, I hate being white.  It is so boring.”  They laughed at be, but I was being serious.  I am so jealous of what they share, and hate that I will never have that since I am white.  One of my friends has actually remarked that being white prohibits us from sharing any sort of culture amongst ourselves without being considered racist supremacists.  I am not racist.  I am human and I want to belong to something.  If the only concept of unity I have is being American, then I may possibly be doomed.  I wonder if others feel this way too.

After about 2 hours of waiting with Ami and Aparna, I receive a phone call from Ryan Largent, a friend of mine from high school SGA.  He is in the UMD band and gave me a “VIP” ticket as he called it.  The band was just re-informed of the game plan, so I now move to a separate line for ticket holders only—this is a considerably shorter line, but we were still forced to wait outside longer than the general admission.  All the thousands of general admission filed through airport intensity security, before we got our chance.  The ticket line was now anxious that maybe we were secretly getting horrible seats.  It turned out okay though… more than okay in fact:  we gained access to stand in front of the stage.  I ended up a mere 20 feet from the President of the United States of America during his speech.

Amazing. 

After another two hour wait after getting to our spots on the floor, the presentation finally started.  First, a lady (I couldn’t hear her name and since it wasn’t part of my legitimate experience, it will not be looked up and faked into my experience) who I assumed had some relevance came out to give the convocation (a politically correct term used in most cases such as this to disguise group prayer in an otherwise secular situation… This was my least favorite part of the program to say the least.)    Following her, the U.S. Secretary of Commerce Gary Locke came out and gave a bit of an introduction.  Honestly we were all so anxious to be in the presence of President Obama that Secretary Locke could have told us he rode unicorns through the streets of Washington and we wouldn’t have known any different.  We were ready for the speech, no introductions necessary or desired.  It’s sad that someone of stature like the Secretary of Commerce commands such little attention when he fills such an important role, but that’s America for you.

After Secretary Locke, I felt bad for UMD Junior Rachel Peck who was introduced next.  Everyone thought she was going to be President Obama, so the crowd was largely bummed to realize otherwise.  When she started to speak, though, we understood.  Rachel is a recent cancer survivor.  She spoke to the security she found in her pre-established health care plan.  She said that since her medical procedures were being taken care of, she was able to focus her energy on getting better rather than worrying about debt.  Rachel set the tone for the speech by President Obama, who she then introduced.

The crowd was alive with energy, and throughout the speech would often interrupt the President with loud cheers.  I liked his speech.  He did a great job of appealing to college students, even in the way that he dressed and the tone of his words.  What I love about President Obama became apparent in the ending of his speech.  He told the story of an early campaign slogan:  Fired Up, Ready to go.  As the story goes, early in the campaign President Obama made a commitment to travel down to a small town in South Carolina.  At this point in the campaign, no one really knew who he was, or even cared to know.  Everyone was kind of dismal the morning that he visited.  Then, a local Councilwoman (and private detective by night, according to President Obama) entered the room and started chanting.  FIRED UP?  And everyone chanted back.  FIRED UP! READY TO GO? READY TO GO! This went on and on for a few minutes.  At first President Obama didn’t understand, but then he realized… he was feeling pretty fired up.  He left us with the message that if one voice can change a room, then it can change a city, and then it can change a state, and then a nation, and then the world.  You can’t put a price on the way that kind of inspiration makes you feel.  Great orators incite the deepest kindling of hope within you and truly make you feel like you can change the world.  I guess that is the kind of change I can believe in.

We also talked about the fact that public high schools don’t require, or even offer, a course on peace or on conflict resolution.  I’m interested to find out how these classes might affect our school system if they were included.  Over the summer I worked on a committee with the Washington County Board of Education which was called the “civility task force.”  We were given the task of remodeling the county bullying and harassment policy.  We looked at a number of different possible solutions first in a large group and then broke down into smaller discussion groups.  Conflict resolution was an option, but it was generally dismissed in discussion.  The adults in my group, some of who were teachers or principals, wrote me off as a good kid that went to a good school, so what would I know?  The people who were experienced with inner city kids with behavioral problems didn’t seem to think conflict resolution was a legitimate answer.  “These kids need to be punished,” they would repeat after any new suggestion.  But, as we see with many released prisoners, if there is no rehabilitation, then there will be further infractions.  After Monday’s class, I emailed the suggestions to Washington County’s Superintendent.

The teachers from the inner city may have had something right though.  I don’t know much about bad behavior.  I’ve grown up in a small town that for the most part has stayed away from common bullying issues.  My elementary school filled barely 50 seats per grade level and all the teachers knew all the students.  Looking back on it, it was kind of a little utopia.  We all grew up together as nice little boys and girls.  So why at another local elementary school did the kids misbehave so much more?  I have a few guesses, though I’ll never really know.  My school was secluded, whereas many other elementary schools in the area were part of a complex next to the middle and high schools.  My school had positive reinforcement, rewarding good citizenship with prizes and field days.  Our classes were small enough that all students got attention and the counseling center could connect with those who needed it.  Further one thing I will always remember is that my school started holding “Multicultural Day.”  On this day, the largely homogeneous student body would travel around to different rooms learning about cultures all around the world, getting to partake in activities and try some traditional foods.  This day really stuck with me, and a I think that introducing us to new cultures at such a young age really helped to make us well rounded and open minded individuals.  But maybe that was just me.

I have a massive headache so I won’t add anything more except that there was a cockroach in here earlier! Ew.